Friday, May 4, 2012

Trees [might] Hate You

I had a good run today.  My time is still horrible – 24 minutes for a little over two miles.  Still, it was nice to get up and at it again.  It was an afternoon run; I did cramp up again.  I think with a few more of these, I could get a good pacing down for when these searing stabs of cramping pains take over.  Ladies: I’ve had a glimmer of your monthly agony; you are the strong and fearsome creatures indeed to withstand that.

I had Murs’ last album playing as I ran.  I like his work, and went so far as to join his Kickstarter.  He’s a unique artist, in that he does rap but isn’t “gangster” about it.  He has that background, and he could just as easily go to the darker side with all of his writing, but he has this really subtle way of being a positive influence.  I found myself mulling over the handful of lyrics which got stuck in my head.

I run past all sorts of trees.  They really aren’t the most aesthetically pleasing in terms of foliage and symmetry.  That’s the reason I love them- they’re scattered and random, tall and short, as varied as all the little humans around them.  I also like running outside.  If man was meant to run in place indoors, then why is there so much “outside” to explore? 

Know why trees grow faster than humans?  They grow to their purpose: to be cut and harvested.  Know what happens when you don’t cut it down?  It has to find a new purpose, as it grows taller, eventually becoming the grandfather of the forest.

I was driven to climb one – just take a step to the right, and keep running up to the top.  I was reminded of two things, though.  One, I’d look like fucking Pattinson in “Twilight.”  Acting, script, and concept aside, whoever did that musical score had me laughing so hard, I was nearly ejected from the theater.  I mean, as the guy’s going on about eating humans, some dingus is pounding away on a glockenspiel for heaven’s sake.  Nothing strikes fear of death into your heart like the soft flutter of a glockenspiel…

The second is that I don’t like heights.  I used to be petrified of them.  Then, I did the basic training and had a CO plant their boot firmly in my chest to force me over a wall while rappelling.  You learn fast that it’s not the height you’re afraid – it’s the fear of not knowing how to resolve that situation.  Alright – it’s a fear of landing.  I wasn’t really afraid to be a hundred feet up – I was afraid that I didn’t know how to get down.  When I got through screaming like a schoolgirl, which, I will admit did happen for all of five seconds, I remembered my shit, grabbed the lines, and landed softly.  Well, almost.

Around the time I had this thought, my music player is belting a rhyming line every second, and a few took hold in my brain meats.  I rethreaded the concept, and thought, “How can anyone reach for their goals, when they’re afraid of heights?”  Our plans – in our head – are lofty.  They are so far above where us, that they should have a fog lamp on them.  But so many people are content to just kick at the base of that radio antenna, staring skyward at their flashing desires, and be content that those dreams are there- untouched, untainted, unexplored, but safe at that height.

Nothing is safe – but you can’t try to protect anything if you don’t have a hand on it, first.  Leaving your goals out of reach intentionally is just waiting for something to knock it off that skyscraper.  Maybe they’ll knock it down to you; maybe halfway – it’s still never going to be in your hands, undamaged or remotely intact, and the exact why you envisioned it unless you grow the stones and plan how to get it.  Pre-emptive planning for how to land with that goal once you’ve achieved it might be good, as well.

Don’t let anything cut you down.  Be the tall tree, surrounded by the forest you create.

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