Thursday, March 29, 2012

Working Stiffs

“These are my people.  These are the lost, the damned, the loved, and the lonely.  And, they have been freed-“, Carson’s voice was still echoing through the valleys, booming off hills and mountains far, yet had a snarl as strong and poignant as the hand holding [spoiler's] throat, “-By selflessness and hope.”
The writing has not slowed this evening.  I've added a new chapter to my work of fiction.  The endeavor to keep doing this day by day is starting to click all the cylinders into the right chambers.  By my own stipulations, I still have to post something here more than pleading for an apology because I wrote something else.

I really make stupid goals.

I have to work for the first time in nine days tomorrow, and I'm still writing two hours after starting.  Let’s discuss sale shopping, then, shall we?  See, I had to buy some lovely new shirts for work.
Back that up: I didn’t have to, I wanted to.  I enjoy shopping. And cooking.  And yes, I made our goddamn window treatments.  I don’t idolize Iron Man, Super Man, or even Captain Hammer.  My idol?- Martha Freaking Stewart.  Not only is she the de facto standard on household everything, but she even went to jail, and made more money because of it.  She is a standard to which any reasonable American should strive.

Remember that bit about thanking god that sexuality is genetic?  This is another one of those moments.

 So, on top of the Martha Stewart admiration, I found possibly the best hot pink polo.  The other day, found a neon orange hoodie to pair it with.  I tell you, if there’d been a neighborhood watch killing while I was wearing this getup, it would likely have been an impassioned crime to destroy the hipster youths of America.

Several years ago, this disgusting (and boring) fashion trend kicked off where we all decided fall colors are a year-round fashion statement.  Beige and burnt sienna in high summer?- Alright!  White and tans mid-novemeber?- go-go fashion statements!  Uggs- heck yes!  WHY ARE PEOPLE GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO BE BORING?  Why do we not love colors?  Why do people buy shoes that make you like you’re tightrope walking with elephant’s feet?  Seriously: bulky tan jacket, white crop top, grey tights, and a pair of uggs.  Stop for a second and imagine that.  I’ve seen prettier color schemes in bloody vomit at a subway station.

So, these bright colors retailers are pushing the past twelve months just aren’t getting the market share that bigwigs want.  It took everyone a while to get into the bland colors all the time, so it’s only fair if it takes a while for them to get into color right?  So, let’s clearance the shiny red monkey’s butt out of ‘em!

This goes into my previous discussion of how the people selling this stuff really believe the consumer is daft. Are you really into dark colors during summer? - What if we give you bright ones for the same exact price?  Now, in the world of Apple electronics, changing colors and charging the same damn price will get you some serious traction.  Everywhere else, most people will just say screw it, and go with what they like already.  So, the companies drop the line, and major retailers sell it on the super sly.  In a few months, someone else will think they can do it better, or, the profit-loss guys will mass produce some hot stuff (like Old Navy, which has some great stuff lined up), which will catch the eyes of the big dogs.  A buyer’s market is an inverted pyramid – the people at the bottom (the largest monetary unit) have the power to determine a product’s future, and yet they always trust the guys at the top because- hey, they’re the guys at the top, right?

And what, people?!  Have you ever seen kids playing king of the hill without adult supervision?  I have, and the nut shots were HI-larious.  At one point, this kid pulled a Kung Fu Panda-esque flying judo kick of sterilization from six feet away.  They both got hurt, but only didn’t have his testicles ascend into his abdomen.

The concept here is that same King of the Hill is trying to tell you to buy this great new thing, and giving you no incentive for it.  Hell with that, people.  Return the ‘favor’, and wait for it to go on sale. 

I write these for free, because you should never pay someone for their opinion.  Because, frankly speaking, opinions are like buttholes, and you know what?- everyone’s got ‘em.

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